i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
