when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
