So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
