I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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