overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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