i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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