a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
