Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
