apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have aggressive nipples.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
