I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I looked at my own cervix.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
