I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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