the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
