D3 body, D1 cock
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
