Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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