There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
