it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize