is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
