Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
