At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I could make wine with my vomit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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