what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
