Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
