Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i think i just lost a toe
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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