Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
