My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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