the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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