Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
