The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
