coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
