another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
