I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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