i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
