remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
