It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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