Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
