HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
