Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
