They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
