when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
