DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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