Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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