You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
