When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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