i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
