You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
