How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have demons in me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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