Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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