They should really pass out barf bags in church
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
