This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
