My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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