how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
