I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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