who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this beer tastes like vomit already
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
