i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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