you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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