I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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