I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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