I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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