I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize