ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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