I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
