Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
