is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
